Demeter Entries
by Superpear8
Summary: Demeter's diary of the events that happen centuries after the Odyssey. Persephone and Athena strike up an argument. Hilariousness follows. Or does it?
1. Chapter 1

Dear Journal,

I am cold. I shiver. I look outside my window. The ghosts of the dead are traveling through a dark, dank, murky landscape. They chant, and I can't hear what they say. But I know what they are

doomed to do forever. Wander. Me? I'm visiting Persephone, my daughter. She's all happy in the Underworld because she is married to that Hades. That infernal, pesky, grumpy king of the dead

and ruler of this mud hole. I don't know why I succumbed to her begging, but I know I regret it. I shiver again. My bedroom is supposed to be nice, but 'nice' isn't the word to describe anything

down here. More like, 'dead,' or 'dreary.' If I had to name a third, it would be just plain 'BORING.' And cold. I shiver for what feels like the millionth time tonight. An arc of cold slinks up my

spine, causing me to shudder. I can't sleep. I get up, push off the thin, stale sheets, and glide noiselessly out the door. That's another thing-I'm stealthier than a cat. The halls of Hades are

deserted at this hour, and I hover through the long, gray corridors alone. I'm hovering, yes. I am a goddess, so I _can_ indeed hover in midair. I soar down the hall, and I zoom into the dining hall,

where I hear voices. But before I fly through the door, I change myself into a snake. I slither under the huge wooden doors unseen. The voices get louder as I draw nearer to their sources. I

recognize them. Athena is blabbering on and on about her lost love. What was his name? Omally? I can't remember. Hera is yelling at Aphrodite and they are blasting each other with energy,

pink and sky blue. I know what they are talking about. That silly mortal war that is happening up on Earth. In Troy, I think. Hera's down here visiting Hades and Persephone, too. And she too

made the mistake of answering Persephone's pleas for a visit. Oh well. At least I'm not alone. I hear Persephone crying in the corner. No. She's weeping terribly, completely heartbroken. I slither

to the side of her chair, and grow back into human form. She stops a little, but no one else shows reaction. Hades, who sleeps in the corner (in a plush chair) does not stir. I ask her why she's

crying. Her sobbing gradually subsides, and she starts to speak. I notice something strange. Her hair! Its quantities are usually luminous, brown, and shiny. But now her braid was cut short

about twelve or thirteen inches. I gasp. She says that Athena did this to her. I storm up to that girl. She stops whining about Mr. Omally long enough to tell me to buzz off. I whack her with a

carrot. She stops blabbering again. She's not ichoring, but she rubs the spot on her arm. She says that it really hurt. I say it didn't and that she's overreacting. She grabs the carrot and whacks

me. She draws her sword. I change it into a bundle of wheat. She curses, and drops it. I say that fighting is not what I came for. She scoffs. I say that I came to ask why she slashed my

daughter's braid. She says some nonsense about her being really annoying. I say that this isn't finished. I walk away, a plan formulating in my brain. I come up to Persephone, and whisper in her

ear. She grins ear to ear. We change ourselves to animals and fly out the door.

Demeter


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Journal,

We laugh as we descend the stairs to the basement where the gardening tools and razors are. I open the creaky door carefully, then we slink across the creaky

floorboards to the end of the room. I spot what I need. The big green bag with big green letters. MIRACLE GROW. The other thing? Persephone has it in her

hand. A large razor, with an especially sharpened blade-for hair. We giggle again and fly up to our chambers. In the halls, we exchange. I get the razor, and I slip it

under my cloak. She slips the miracle grow into hers. We part in front of the Great Hall. I float to my room, and she floats to hers. Our plan will commence next

evening. The night was restless, but it wasn't as bad as before I found out about Persephone's braid. In the morning, I am a lot more rested than I thought I would

be. I soar to breakfast in the dining hall, my spirits higher than Olympus. Persephone has beaten me to the hall, and many are already there. I sit down next to her,

and inhale about three hundred pancakes. I drink some apple juice/nectar. We all leave. Athena leaves and heads to the fighting arena. I change into a snake and

follow. Persephone changes into a hummingbird and flits after us. I need to follow Athena because we don't know where she will be most vulnerable to our plan.

She fights for hours on end, then breaks a drosis and goes to drink some nectar. We follow her to her quarters, and then stop following her. We now know where

our plan can take place. We get far away enough so that she does not see or hear us, and change back to regular form. We laugh hysterically, and chatter all the

way to the gardens where we will spend the rest of the day with the Miracle Grow. We sit down on a tree root, and Persephone pulls out the Miracle Grow. I cut it

open with the razor, and slip the razor back into my pocket. Persephone grabs a handful of the stuff, and rubs it on her head. Hair instantly springs from her head,

growing more luminous and glossy before our eyes. We high-five, because our plan is so genius. We wait until the clock strikes midnight, then head to Athena's

room. We change into animals and slip through small crevices to enter her chambers. She is sound asleep on her bed. We creep to her bedside, and I pull out my

razor. The first locks of her hair fall to the floor noiselessly as I cut away at her honey-colored hair. When the night is done, her hair is only millimeters long, and

she still hasn't noticed a thing. We change back into animals, and wait to see what she'll do when she wakes. We take turns sleeping and watching. Finally,

Persephone wakes me up with a violent shake. Athena is stirring. She sits up, and notices her head's lightness. She is half-asleep, but gropes around for her head.

She reaches it, and notices how short her hair is on her head. I stifle a giggle (if snakes can giggle) and watch her continue rubbing her head. Then she stops, and

shouts for Zeus. I think my ears are broken! She shouts so loud, the ground shakes. Zeus must've heard it, too, because I heard a high pitched scream from next

door. Next, a few whacking noises, then a flustered and beaten apology. I then learned that Zeus didn't always poof into the room he wants to poof into. In this

case, he had startled Hera in the middle of her v-chat with Aphrodite on how the war is going and how to fix her hair. I hear some shattering glass and a huge

explosion. Then Zeus poofs into Athena's room looking as if he'd been dumped in acid waste, picked out with a pair of flaming tongs, eaten by a scorpion, been

reincarnated as a campfire, had marshmallows dumped on him, died of thumb cancer, eaten by cyborg koalas, and came here on the back of a porcupine. (In other

words, he looked awful.) Athena is furious, and she poked him right on the bridge of his nose. She barks at him to avenge her. Then she poofs out, leaving me and

Persephone alone with Zeus. We soon slink out, awaiting our terrible fates.

Demeter


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

It's been a few days since I last wrote, yet wrath has not been inflicted upon me or Persephone. Zeus must be taking a break or something, because all the trouble we've had is a stopped toilet (not pretty) and a porcupine in Hera's shower (I don't know how the Tartarus it got there, I swear!). It's easy to forget who's out to get me. But since that is the case, I'm going to write about the things that really irk me. The first: Siblings that get more credit than you.

If you've read those infernal books called, _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_, then you'll be familiar with the term 'big three.' If you haven't, I'll spare you from the agonizing optical pain that is the result of reading such BAD books. The author portrays me as a psychopath farmer that would very much like to rule the world by conquering it with meatballs and cereal. Sure, that's not half bad. But I think he's gone a bit too far with the whole 'how-gods-and-goddesses-are-related-to-each-other-and-stuff' things. Getting back on track, the supposed 'Big Three' are 'the three elder gods.' AKA (youngest to oldest) Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. FYI they are not all that great. FYI they are not the only immortals of their generation. FYI they had three sisters that didn't get credited for ANYTHING that they did here on Earth. AKA (oldest to youngest) Hestia, Demeter (me! whoopee), and Hera. Big whoop. You see, many modern-day mortals (such as yourself) are reading this, thinking _"What the heck is this crazy old lady going on and on about?"_ Well, I'm not an old lady! But I am crazy...

Well, what I'm trying to say is that us goddesses are just as old as those 'big three' gods, but our birth order goes like this: Hades, Poseidon, Hestia, Demeter (me! again), Hera, THEN Zeus. So there's really no point in calling them the 'big three' without saying 'big SIX' because me and Hestia and Hera were born BEFORE Zeus, therefore making us all OLDER than him. But, of course, we aren't the oldest. We girls all are younger that Big H and Big P, so we annoy them like good little sisters. And as for Zeus, he gets to be the annoying baby brother of everyone. Sadly, he pwns us all.

So, THERE! Now you know the truth about that. This time, I'm settling down in an iron-chained chair and locking myself in for fear of coming out and STRANGLING all of you DEAR mortals who insist upon inventing new very, VERY irksome ways of pronouncing things wrong. Sometimes I wonder if any one of you has ever even gone to school! And if I ever catch one of you saying things wrong after you read this, SO HELP ME I WILL RIP YOU—

Sorry, got a little carried away. But, if you haven't run away screaming, I'd like to stop rambling on and on about something I haven't even told you about yet. Where were we? Oh yes, we were on the dreadful subject called:

PRONUNCIATION

And if you scream every time you see the word:

PRONUNCIATION

Then buy the Sham WOW! If you call within 2 seconds, we'll give you a second Sham WOW for free! TOO LATE! YOU SLOW! BYE!

No, really. If you find yourself in a state of panic and/or nausea whenever you see, hear, and/or smell the word:

PRONUNCIATION

Then you will die in five seconds.

FIVE

FOUR

THREE

TWO

ONE

BOOM.

Okay, enough. When people see my name in a book, maybe two or three things run through their minds:

DEMETER

A) How the beep do I pronounce that?  
B) Why the beep did her mother choose a name like DUH-MEE-TERR  
C) My feet itch.

If your feet itch, stomp on them. No really, people go around saying my name wrong like there's no tomorrow. I must refrain from strangling people in situations like this:

Me: Walks into room

Random Mortal 1: Hey, check it out!

Random Mortal 2: What, man?

Random Mortal 1: I found out some rad Greek Mythology stuff, dude!

Random Mortal 2: Really? Way cool!

Random Mortal 1: Yeah, it says that [DUH-MEE-TERR] was a big—

STOP! I know what you're thinking! You're saying, _"Oh my god, you crazy lady! You overreact a lot! Augh! Really!"_

You: But that's not what I was thinking.

Me: CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY!

You: O_o

Random Mortal 2: Oh, yeah really?

Random Mortal 1: Yeaaaaaaaaaah, man!

Random Mortal 2: OMG!

Random Mortal 1: Yeah, poor [PERR-SIH-FONE]!

Me: OMG! YOU STUPID LITTLE—

You: O_o

Me: CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY!

You: O_o

Me: CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY!

You: O_O

Me: CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY!

You: _

Me: CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY! CARROTS! CARROTS FOR SALE! COME BUY YOUR CARROTS! STAB SOMEONE TODAY!

You: (brainwashed) Yeeeeessssssssss... Iiiii buyyyyyyy !

Me: TEEHEE! Now go stab Hades for me willya?

You: *dies*

Me: Pity.

Okay, nevermind. But seriously, you even managed to screw up Persephone! Well... I guess I'll admit that her name's a bit strange. But that's no reason you shouldn't do a bit of research! SHEESH!

||

That's a ditto sign.

JK

But seriously.

Demeter


	4. Chapter 4

4-25-11

Dear Journal,

Hey there people of the world. Last time I wrote in this thing it was ages ago, so I thought I'd give it a whirl once again! Things have been changing a lot lately, and by that I mean whole other fandom has struck. Or something. Jeez, hanging around with foreign people is really deteriorating my grammar. Anyway, the new 'thing' now is called: Hetalia, Axis Powers. The best thing ever created by anyone ever. Okay maybe not ever but I enjoy it. This should be in crossovers, now, sure, but I really don't feel like it so BLEH! Besides, this is **Fan** so I shouldn't really need to have a disclaimer at all! Hetalia is not mine!

*RAEG*

*is moody*

Hmm…. Well recently the 'wrath' Zeus was going to condemn me and my daughter with has been given. We were kept at the bottom of the sea for about a week with cinderblocks attached to out feet. Hmm, it hurt a lot. But I can't die, so WHOOPEE!

I met the most extraordinary young man lately. He wears rectangular wire-framed glasses, a bomber jacket, a shirt blaring 'Who's your hero?', and jeans. His hair sports the most peculiar curl, which he insists that I don't pull. Hmm, funny. He loves hamburgers. His personality, though, is stupendously happy. Though a bit loud, he is always cheerful and knows your pain most of the time.

…okay maybe more than a little bit loud.

I'm getting off track.

I do believe I have become old and wistful in my age. An old woman. Forgetting everything, remembering the 'good old days,' and knitting. I have a grown daughter and I'm a mother in law.

Oh, speaking of my daughter and her marriage, she's managed to get herself into an awkward little love-triangle now! See, her and her friend, Hestia, both love Hades, her husband, and he is confused and doesn't know what to do. I know, you're thinking, "How could this possibly happen? She's married! They're married!"

But no…

Here on Olympus, nobody takes anybody seriously. It's so totally wack! Even when I stab poke them with a carrot they don't listen!

It's so hard to get anything done when you're surrounded by idiots.

And right about now I should high-five England and China.

We're all surrounded by IDIOTS!

MARMITE.

..well that was random asdfasdfasdf…

Well I'm getting tired and bored. So here's some shenanigans that we have managed to get ourselves into!

Aphrodite surprised everyone by kissing them on both cheeks and saying something in Italian that nobody could understand. Dionysus managed to blow up the gardens (AGAIN, that blithering IDIOT, my poor plants), Ares managed to fall up the stairs almost to the point where we had to reattach his legs, Hermes learned French and now is floating around annoying us all with this NONSENSE that comes out of his mouth, and finally Zeus ate himself.

Whew.

As for me, I moved to Spain and bought a bunch of tomato plants to save for throwing. It's actually great to live in Europe, but America is better. XD

Just kidding.

Everywhere is the SAME D:

JK again.

Allrightythen, time to close this up:

Sincerely,

Demeter


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Going out into the world today, I find myself a surprise,

There are buildings the size of mountains right before my very eyes.

People are milling about wearing the most astonishing of things,

Like bright red hair the size of a bear and ears laden with rings.

I say to myself, where am I now? The future's so bizarre,

Can't stop a moment just to think without getting hit by a 'car.'

Technology's so strange to see, though _we_ had it long ago,

Now the mortals all possess it as they run hastily to and fro.

I say to myself, _'What am I doing, here on the streets of the New York?'_

'…_and why,'_ I'm also thinking, _'does no one have with them a spork?'_

What pointless thoughts, and though there are lots of them to go around,

My place is not among the mortals, down here on the ground.

I must leave soon, I do regret, and with every passing day,

I wish and hope with all my might that things will never change.

What happened to the days when we used to play outside and in the sun,

Time may never tell, old friend, but it cannot ever be undone.

So long for now,

Demeter


End file.
